Be the Judge of You

As this Holy month started to end, I look at myself and wonder, has anything changed about me? have I become better? Worse? What is left to do? I wonder did I get a glimpse of the better me? or do I still have a long way to go? Unfortunately I do still have a long way to go to be where I want to be, but that does not scare me, because I know that somethings in me has changed, I know that I took the right steps towards my improved self, my upgrade download may be slow but I am getting there.

When I was younger I was always picked last when playing in teams, always sat alone in the lunch breaks, and the friends I had did not like me very much. Every summer my cousins used to all have fun together and leave me out, I realized I needed a major transformation, and I did, every summer I would have been a little bit better, until I started to become some of my cousins’  and aunts’ favourite and started having best friends in school, not only that, but I became the girl that parents would say “you should be more like her” about. That is where I needed to be and that is where I got and it felt fantastic!

I got there with my parents, brothers and my non-biological sisters’ support and by always taking a break of the fast spinning world and evaluating myself asking who, what and where am I? I had to be hard on the bad side of myself I had to observe me from far away, I had to take criticism like a champion and become better rather than defensive. However once I got there I forgot all about getting better, I forgot all about trying to improve and believe me there is always room for improvement, that spinning world swept me off my feet and made me spin and spin and then it threw me out in a dark place.

So as I am trying to get back on my feet I learnt you should never let yourself go without trying to become better, do not overlook your faults with the excuse that “you are human”, everyone can become better, always evaluate yourself, always be cautious about what you do, say and how you act, always be true to yourself and remember who you are, don’t get carried away and just because you are in a good place does not mean you should disregard the whole need to get better phase.